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Winning Well for me is about being in touch with my values. That guides the metric I want to use. Winning feels good. Winning is not a measure of success unless it is by one’s own definition. Also, we must measure the “cost” of the win to get to the achievement —real and perceived.
Driven by Values
Winning Well encourages pride in our accomplishments. Pride emerges from a “game” well played. Consider when opponents cheat or take shortcuts how the experience can be tarnished.
Winning is fulfilling when living in our values. Fulfillment is the highest achievement we can attain. The standards are different and stand on their own merit
Often clients ask me, “How can I do that?” My coaching response is simple—preparation and focus:
1. We must prepareto meet our self-defined greatness, not by a nebulous cultural value, someone else’s vision, or unrealistic set target.
2. Define the boundaries. This is where we define exactly what we are willing to do or not do based on personal choices. What are we willing to “leave on the table” as a negotiation principle, one we negotiate with ourselves. By setting boundaries, there is less likelihood of being lured into an uncompromising position.
3. Our values are set in advance, and, hopefully, reinforced daily through meditation or reflection. There is even a legal standard of knowing the difference between right and wrong, and we must practice!
4. Write or journal about your values. This exercise reinforces who we are and what we stand for. For example, consider situations where you would choose differently—use a different perspective. This is powerful preparation for future actions.
5. Train and retrain your self-talk to acknowledge how you are functioning within your value system. What needs boosting, what have you learned well, and what serves you now? It requires letting go of stale past beliefs that can be self-limiting and a result of poor habits.
6. Select a tagline or theme for your values. Use a favorite quote or metaphor that encapsulates your idea. Repeat it throughout the day. One that works for me to avoid procrastination is DIN—Do It Now!
When one wins based on someone else’s vision, it is a hollow victory. When we perform something for someone else to gain approval, it is no longer our vision; we do not own it. That is a set up for failure. Being a “pleaser” does not serve you, and you surrender your personal power, which leads to other negative issues like feeling powerless.
To win and compromise one’s standards sets a negative precedent. Once we cross the line one sets as a principle, either unintended or deliberately, the next crossing becomes easier. These actions can easily spiral down.
Lastly, a positive, true metric is PROGRESS.
· How will you measure the progress? What will be your reward? How will you share your achievement? For example, “This is where I was, here I am now, and this is where I’m going.” These are achievable answers.
· Continue to compete with yourself, not some phantom figure or unrealistic partner, especially if you are on the same team! Why set up winners and losers in the same family or company? What does that serve? Anyone who continues the set up is insecure. Yes, healthy competition helps to improve all involved. Yet, when winning is the only reward, check out your feeling around that. What is under that need to always win? By the way, “being best” is not about always winning. Consider people who participate in a marathon and know they will not place in the top three. It is important for them to cross the finish line because they made that promise to themselves.
· Evaluatehow you improved. Create your own scorecard.
· Focus on continuous improvement rather than a destination point. Increments are useful markers based in time, resources, or quality results to achieve.
· Celebrateyour steps through the process. Recognize what you sacrificed to achieve your progress. Acknowledge those who helped you along the way.
Ultimately, we win when we are true to ourselves. Go for it! -MC
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