Experience 30-minute Issue Coaching session
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Behavior

Behavior, communication, cooperation, Decision making, Risk, Value, Wisdom

When did you last repair someone’s trust?

Confidential coaching positions me to bear witness to a myriad of circumstances. Within that context, I am asked many questions. How to repair trust is one that is poignant.

When trust is bruised or “killed”, there can be a physical feeling of an open wound. We can empathize with some who was betrayed. If remorse sets in, the betrayer also can experience the “wound.”

There are a few ways one can attempt to build trust. Ultimately, we can never account for someone else’s behavior or thinking, just our own. We must not allow others to define who we are and what we stand for. 

Yes, everyone makes mistakes. The gift that will emerge for you is awareness, because you are making an honest effort.

So, what can we do to begin a healing process for broken trust:

  1. Show up with a sincere, contrite apology. Sometimes a written one is powerful so the recipient has time to process it. In few words, be specific about what you are apologizing for, i.e. did you hurt someone’s feelings, was there a misunderstanding, did you strike out at someone?
  2. Own it, and learn from the circumstance no matter how painful. Analyze what you did and how you can avoid such behavior in the future.
  3. Back off. Give the recipient time to absorb your apology. 
  4. In the meantime, do what you say you will do. Talk is cheap.
  5. Actions speak louder than words, so make an effort to support the recipient by being present for him or her.
  6.  Be consistent with your renewed outreach. Be who you say you are.

Ultimately, the apology was delivered. After that, it is up to the injured party to invite you back into their lives. You’ll know. -MC



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Action plan, Behavior, Business Insights, Creative, Marketing, Workplace

And to all a good night . . . and something to think about

Recently, I traveled to Chicago for a family event—fun, reunion, and sharing galore! I took my first Uber rides and am enamored of the system Uber has created.

The front end of the trip went smooth as silk. Then it was time for me to leave, and the stars were misaligned to test my mettle.

Besides the constant, pounding rain, my son and I got a lazy start to the airport more than an hour away. After walking his new puppy before we left, he realized he had locked his car and house keys inside. There went gasket one! He kindly called an Uber car and the adventure began.

Within minutes the car arrived, and we raced against the clock as the pounding rain pelted the vehicle like nails being dropped from six floors up. Wow—it was a Noah’s Ark moment. Combine that with the crippling traffic, and I was destined to miss my flight. Usually not a big deal, but I have a disabled husband awaiting my timely arrival at my destination.

After slugging through the squall, the driver dropped me at the curb. The two curbside people were like a comedy routine. I had 15 minutes to arrive at the gate before my seat was relinquished. “Naw, don’t even try to get there. You still have to go through security and you want a wheelchair?” “Ah, ah, lady. You’ll never make it.” So, now I was diverted to a different flight as a standby behind four others—not good odds, especially with the weather issues. I asked the agent to put my bags on my original flight so it would arrive before me on a later flight. “Sure, no problem.”

I creep into the terminal looking for the wheelchair section. Another 15 minutes click by. But, I got lucky. An attentive young women, Salma, was my engine.  I told her my dilemma and she was an optimist. She had the gate of newly assigned flight and we clipped along as she asked if I needed the restroom or something to eat; she would stay with me and assist. What a delight juxtaposed to the two buffoons that took my bag, which, by the way, put my bag on the later flight! True, I should’ve checked the ticket at the counter, but I was frazzled and relied on them doing their jobs; big mistake.

Anyway, Salma was my good luck charm. As we whirled through security, she found the gate for me.
Next to it was the original flight I thought I had missed, but it was delayed due to the torrential rain! Now, I have to negotiate a line of people for the later flight and begged my way to the front of the line. The reservation agent said go to the boarding area (I had the boarding pass in my phone!) as the boarding was almost done. Got through that line and the agent there said I hadn’t checked in, even though I have the boarding pass on my phone! Back to original line with poor Salma not knowing how to help me. I gave her a tip and proceeded to interrupt again because I needed a printed boarding pass she previously did not give to me! Catching my breath, I trotted up to the line and presented my newly printed pass—I didn’t pass GO or collect $200!

Finally, I siddled down the jetway and toward the rear of the plane eyeing an aisle seat. Got it! Happy to land in the seat. I was going to make it after all the commotion. Consider the assigned shuttle at the destination end that would’ve been missed with service only to 10 p.m., no car, no one to pick me up. Engines roar and the captain apologetically said there is a short delay—an hour and a half latter, we were cleared for departure! Finally, I was going home.

The flight was pleasant and happily, we landed safely. Off to baggage claim . . . to find my bag didn’t make the flight! No where to be seen. I called my shuttle guy and he was waiting for me and off I went with only my purse and a gift bag in hand.

So what is the point of this fairy tale? 

  • The behavior of the players made a difference in my experience. Heckel and Jeckel at the curbside were defeatists and never offered to check conditions at security or if my original flight was delayed. They put my bag on the wrong plane and were very unfriendly. 
  • Salma made up for it. She was pleasant and optimistic that we needed to check out the first flight because flights were delayed. 
  • The gate agent was obnoxious and didn’t help anything because she didn’t ask the right questions (she wasn’t even curious or caring) to resolve the issue about my boarding pass—instead she pushed me away to wait in another line to ultimately be sent back to her!
  • The shuttle driver went the extra mile and continuously checked the flight status and waited for me. We had a chatty, pleasant 40 minute ride to the lot to pick up my car.

So, what is your customer-centric strategy, to serve as your best self, and how have your prepped your team to do the same? Send in your ideas here, or leave a comment. With your permission, I can publish them here. -MC


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Behavior, business coaching, communication, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Shared Leadership

Who motivates the motivator?

Who motivates the motivator?
Leadership is like that. Who does the leader follow to evolve into the optimum model to follow? 

Leadership must be renewed from within. It is like a muscle that must be worked to develop.

Consider playing a sport like tennis. A coach once encouraged me to experience playing against an opponent at least two “rungs” up from my level to improve my game. Easier said than done, I say! A special person, especially a company leader, has to possess several traits to combat ego issues. See if you agree with me:

Conscious competence—Great leaders select experts smarter and more informed than they are. They are committed to personal growth and lifelong learning. They are confident in their own skin that they are knowledgeable, yet they cannot know everything! They are self-referred and comfortable to know they have assembled the best team. This ability relates to control and trust issues, which is founded on insecurity.

Empathy—They need to understand and care about the people in their sphere is important to them.

Self awareness—This multidimensional leader is aware of short-comings as well as strengths. This trait is essential to emotional intelligence and assessing one’s position in the universe.

Courage to fail—It takes courage to risk one’s security and comfort to achieve an outcome. This is the discussion around “out-of-the-box” thinking and actions. Another perspective is to shift into curiosity mode and find out how parts fit together. This perspective allows space to explore and test different approaches. It is a way of eliminating obstacles by crossing them off the list of what has been tried.

Know it all—This omniscient leader has a blind spot that shines on the ego. It is a false premise to think one person holds all the answers, and that to ask for input or feedback somehow diminishes one’s credibility or stature and makes one weak. The hubris of this perspective is the undoing of many leaders and they don’t see it coming. Plus, adversaries see an opportunity in this warped thinking to feed misinformation or counterpoint with something the person does not know!

Humility—Robert Schuller said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking more of other people.” The ability to be humble opens a perspective of wide expanse. There are possibilities in humility and an openness to learn in service to others. Whether leading a large corporation, religious organization, or teaching a class, humility tracks back to being receptive to new ideas and a desire to know more.

The Model—One must be able to follow before becoming a great leader. The great leader uses all of the above traits to inspire confidence and emotion into people who perceive how their lives will be enhanced by connecting with this leader.

I would enjoy hearing your input, so please send your concepts of leadership directly to me. MC

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