When did you last repair someone’s trust?

by Coachcubas

December 10, 2015

Confidential coaching positions me to bear witness to a myriad of circumstances. Within that context, I am asked many questions. How to repair trust is one that is poignant.

When trust is bruised or “killed”, there can be a physical feeling of an open wound. We can empathize with some who was betrayed. If remorse sets in, the betrayer also can experience the “wound.”

There are a few ways one can attempt to build trust. Ultimately, we can never account for someone else’s behavior or thinking, just our own. We must not allow others to define who we are and what we stand for.

Yes, everyone makes mistakes. The gift that will emerge for you is awareness, because you are making an honest effort.

So, what can we do to begin a healing process for broken trust:

Show up with a sincere, contrite apology. Sometimes a written one is powerful so the recipient has time to process it. In few words, be specific about what you are apologizing for, i.e. did you hurt someone’s feelings, was there a misunderstanding, did you strike out at someone?
Own it, and learn from the circumstance no matter how painful. Analyze what you did and how you can avoid such behavior in the future.
Back off. Give the recipient time to absorb your apology.
In the meantime, do what you say you will do. Talk is cheap.
Actions speak louder than words, so make an effort to support the recipient by being present for him or her.
Be consistent with your renewed outreach. Be who you say you are.

Ultimately, the apology was delivered. After that, it is up to the injured party to invite you back into their lives. You’ll know. -MC

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Coachcubas

As a credentialed business coach and analyst, one of my primary functions is to work with individuals and company managers to clarify where they are presently, where they would like to advance, and what tools they have and need to achieve their desired outcome.

I use a variety of tools to assess perceptions including Platinum Rule instruments, my experience and training in assessing behavior. My preferred tool is the EQ-i®, emotional intelligence inventory. I have specialized training on the EQ-i® and DISC Inventories and access to multiple other sources including a company culture index. I prefer the EQ-i® because it is the least judgmental instrument I have found. It focuses on strengths and areas of development related to the goals set by the individual. For example, people are more likely to apply the EQ-i®’s information rather than label themselves by the Myers-Briggs categories.