Confidential coaching positions me to bear witness to a myriad of circumstances. Within that context, I am asked many questions. How to repair trust is one that is poignant.

When trust is bruised or “killed”, there can be a physical feeling of an open wound. We can empathize with some who was betrayed. If remorse sets in, the betrayer also can experience the “wound.”

There are a few ways one can attempt to build trust. Ultimately, we can never account for someone else’s behavior or thinking, just our own. We must not allow others to define who we are and what we stand for.

Yes, everyone makes mistakes. The gift that will emerge for you is awareness, because you are making an honest effort.

So, what can we do to begin a healing process for broken trust:

Show up with a sincere, contrite apology. Sometimes a written one is powerful so the recipient has time to process it. In few words, be specific about what you are apologizing for, i.e. did you hurt someone’s feelings, was there a misunderstanding, did you strike out at someone?
Own it, and learn from the circumstance no matter how painful. Analyze what you did and how you can avoid such behavior in the future.
Back off. Give the recipient time to absorb your apology.
In the meantime, do what you say you will do. Talk is cheap.
Actions speak louder than words, so make an effort to support the recipient by being present for him or her.
Be consistent with your renewed outreach. Be who you say you are.

Ultimately, the apology was delivered. After that, it is up to the injured party to invite you back into their lives. You’ll know. -MC

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by Coachcubas

Action plan, Decision making, fulfillment, Leadership Insights, Risk, Wisdom

Leadership Lessons from the Star Wars Revival

December 9, 2015

Leadership is not one thing. It is a composite of experience, instinct, influence and circumstances. One could say it is a composite of nature and nurture. It is much like archetypes and powerful themes we explore like the Star Wars saga. We can evolve as leaders like our favorite story characters.

Consider the timeless tales, many of which Disney Studios have enlivened, like The Little Mermaid, Frozen, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and the Sorcerer’s Apprentice (Fantasia). Taken from the oral, around the fire tradition, stories are ways people teach and learn. Stories are colorfully pictorial, so they have a lasting impact. Likely, this visual effect stems from human infancy when we do not have language to express ourselves, but we do have mental pictures.

The fascination with super heroes like Superman and the Marvel characters feeds our need to feel protected by such archetypes. Humanly, we look outside of ourselves for that because there is an innate sense of vulnerability and awareness of our own death. The archetypes are universal and present in every culture. In fact, research shows the Cinderella story is likely an old East Indian tale that was adapted into Western culture. Study of Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell provide the intricacies of the power of these symbols.

Star Wars continues this heroic, bigger than life, saga of finding “guardians” as leaders, to feel more secure, and follow our invisible quests. It is part of the American culture across multiple generations. The new characters will make their own place in the story for the newest generation.

So, what are the lessons offered in these stories?

The Force is invisible and has to be felt internally to be effective. Like a leader, one has to rely on our inner guidance and intuition. How is that different than courage or confidence?

Photo: Amazon.com

Remember, the Wizard of Oz, (recently brought up to date with The Wiz on television)? The characters sought traits and conditions outside of themselves. They did not look internally, and ultimately realize they possessed all along what they wanted. Dorothy had the ability to click her heels the entire time, but she did not know how to use them. This archetype is alive and well today. The shoes could be technology or information, but success is in how we apply it.

In the original story, Luke Skywalker has to embark on the hero’s journey(Joseph Campbell’s idea) to develop into a mature young man. He meets his characters, villains and heroes, along the way to temper his strengths and reveal “truths.” His purpose is to develop mastery of the Force and resonate to the internal power. Yoda, the lovable guru mentor, presents the riddles of life, much like the oracles in our ancient world. Religion evolves to offer a structure as we tread our own paths.

Another Star Wars theme is the duality of man’s nature, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’s personas. Aniken, better known as Darth Vader, represents this theme. The fact that Vader reveals to Luke that he is his father presents a dilemma for Luke. The revelation shows how Luke can make choices and is not condemned to repeat his father’s mistakes. He matures and becomes his own person.

Princess Leah is another duality influence, and brings the feminine energy to the story, the yin and yang balance. She and Luke have a mystical pull toward each other; at first viewed as romantic, only to discover their sibling relationship, a tie that binds. Leah picks Hans Solo as her love interest. Her journey from privileged royalty, to slavery, and then freedom, is her personal journey as well.

The robots exhibit very human characteristics; C3PO and R2D2 are anthropomorphized. They communicate and overtly care about their human connections. They willingly put themselves in harm’s way, like our pets can do, to be part of the family and have a sense of belonging.

The new Star Wars generation has more diversity and reflects changes in our society. This may be a teaching tool for our times with all the chaos surrounding us. I am eager to see the new story and listen to the rousing John Williams’ theme!

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by Coachcubas

Behavior, conversation, Corporate, debate, Decision making, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Leadership Insights, Literacy, Marketing, politics, social media, Visionary, Wisdom, Workplace

When common sense died . . .

October 24, 2011

So many meaningful articles are focused on ideas that used to be known as “Common Sense.” It may be common to one generation and not another. Here is an example on innovation. Sound contemporary advice founded on what the Silent Generation already knew!

Consider the American Revolutionary, Thomas Paine, who wrote a pamphlet with that title. His effort to stir the Colonists to oppose British rule was successful because it spoke in “plain language,” everyone could understand and he inspired the readers.

Every generation must define what Common Sense means to them. In the world of social media, abbreviations have become the common language that baffles older folks. However, Common Sense exceeds a simple definition of words.

In my universe, Common Sense is a method of thinking something through to include the impact of the action or words. It relates to timing. It is not just stating the obvious. It opposes short-sightedness.

Consider the recent statement of Bank of America’s CEO, Brian Moynihan, who said he has a right to make a profit for his company. Is this view one that advances good will or positive presence in the marketplace?

If he was my client, I would “play back” his response and watch his body language. My guess is he would cringe when he heard his words played back and he could hear them outside his internal voice. We would dig deep to get to what he really meant and craft a new comment in Plain English. We could discuss how it matters what people think, especially when they feel robbed and cheated with the threat of rising fees!

I would remind Mr. Moynihan about Peter Drucker’s business wisdom about the purpose of business—to create a customer—and, how his focus on profits makes him appear cold and greedy. Also, I would show him how he can drive away his existing customers with his lack of sensitivity that will ultimately cost him money he so dearly protects. A dose of Common Sense would have served Brian.

So, Common Sense can be a business tool to test a message before broadcasting it:

The unintended consequences of statements made, for example, by politicians and business tycoons, are more powerful than ever because of the speed and repetition of digital media.
Words matter and stand the test of time (and You Tube video!).
Select words that support your meaning rather than have you appear out of touch with the moment. Consider Eric Cantor’s use of the word, “mob”, to describe the Occupy Wall Street participants. Given a do-over, I bet he would choose a different word like “protesters.” See how less inflammatory that word is?
Above all, say what you mean. Ask for what you want. Double talk and hyper-speak turn people off. (Consider the usage of “utilize” when “use” is the accurate word.)
Earn the trust of your audience by being authentic and accurate. The “fact checkers” on news channels and interview programs must have migraine headaches with the tsunami of misinformation pounding us everyday.
Avoid clichés. They muddy meaning because Gen Y does not get the older references, for example.
Offer your audience a message that helps them align with what you are seeking.
Avoid motivating by fear—it is negative and short-term. You will be forever associated with it, too.
Listen to generations different than your own. They “hear” things differently.
Align your actions with your words. Generation Y is watching and they despise phonies—have your word mean something.

Now, go and inspire someone with your ideas. There is so much work to be done. mc

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by Coachcubas

When did you last repair someone’s trust?

Leadership Lessons from the Star Wars Revival

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